Your chances are very remote

I’ve tried all manner of arguments, to no avail, as the Leave campaign has taken no notice of me.

Let me try another approach…

Not remotely in control

Back in the day, I was a tad involved in the hi-fi business. And when I say ‘back in the day’, the one I’m referring to is sometime during the early nineteen-eighties. One of the big innovations to sweep into the market was the remote control, hailed as a device that would revolutionise the ease with which one could listen to music.

Except it actually did the opposite.

Consider: up until the introduction of this electronic marvel, the hi-fi system would reside in very close proximity to the listener’s position in the room, probably beside the sofa, and would be attached to the loudspeakers on the other side of the room with speaker cables. Remember, vinyl was still the main source of music, followed by cassette and soon came the mega-blast of CD in 1983. For all of these formats, you would be required to take the medium out of its packaging and place it in or on the device of choice.

And then along came remote control. Yay!

So everybody placed their hi-fi systems on the other side of the room in order to get the most out of their new technology investment… without realising they were getting plenty of extra exercise every time they wanted to change the music. And extra inconvenience – which nobody would notice, because Yay! they had a remote control.

Following that pre-amble, we are being exhorted to ‘Take Back Control!’ and people are repeating the phrase without really thinking it through.

Consider this…

You, the 1980s wife, have a television. You are convinced (by that I mean brow-beaten) by your 1950s husband that you should ‘Take back control’. You agree, because you can’t be bothered to think it through, and anyway, surely your husband must be right, right?

The remote control appears… and disappears, into your 1950s husband’s hand.

He has control, and knows what is best for you to watch. He has taken you backwards by promising progress.

Now do you get it?

Important note for dimwits: the roles of husband and wife are apposite – this is the Kipper’s view of the world, and anyway, the wife should be cleaning behind the fridge before watching telly.