A tale of two cities
In case you’re expecting a feather-spitting rant about the Evil Empire – wrong place dude. This is just the opening salve/salvo about the iniquities and iquities of living in the capital of Belgium Land. Otherwise known as the City of Who Gives a Shit.
And to be clear by being vague, that title is not necessarily a bad thing: as you’ll see, not giving a shit can definitely be a good thing.
But Part the First features a ranty rant about how bugger all works in this metropomess. Out here on the interweb, you’ll hardly find a local website that looks as though it was designed after the printing press, let alone CSS2. Online payments for utilities are the stuff of grey sky thinking (ain’t no blue skies in Belgium) – just about everyone takes their bill to an indoor ATM, where they input the data manually. For this reason, ATMs have full keyboards, four available languages and often a comfy little seat.
The other, more traditional type of highway is equally stuck in a time warp. Throughout the centre of Brussels many of the roads are still made of cobblestones, most of which haven’t been repaired for the best part of a century. Seriously, this is the only European capital city in which you actually need a great big chugging SUV, as a pootle around the so-called royal square will testify, as the road undulates like a freeze-frame of a choppy day on the Solent.
Amazingly, local residents are against any attempt to lay modern, flat roads, as they prefer the ‘traditional’ cobblestones. I’m sure the same argument was made back when it was proposed to use the new ‘wonder surface’ of cobblestones, as rutted dirt-tracks were more traditional. Then again, even when new surfaces are laid (even if it is new cobblestones), the ‘artisan’ road builders don’t bother to flatten what’s underneath. Consequently all new surfaces – both roads and pavements – are just as wobbly as the old ones they replaced. You’ll find that there are no supermodels living in Brussels, as it’s simply impossible to walk elegantly.
Admitedly, some progress has been made recently, but even so, most of the motorways into Belgium are astonishingly bloody awful. Driving in from France, Germany, Netherlands or Luxembourg, you’ll be well aware of what the next country is within a couple of seconds of crossing the border. Actually, that’s not true – it’s much earlier than that, as the surrounding countries take the view that, if you’re going to drive into Belgium, you may as well get used to it (and save some money to boot). The road noise increases by lots of decibels, grit and detritus flies around and your suspension will be severely tested by pot-holes of sometimes comic proportions. That is, it will be tested not just to see if it works, but to destruction.
Trailer Brussels Express from Sander Vandenbroucke on Vimeo.
And the nearer you get to Brussels, the worserer it gets. In fact, I hear it is the most congested city in Europe… and only 4% of the population even attempts to ride a bike (given the state of the roads, entirely understandable). Compare that to 50% or so in Copenhagen.
Here’s a fantastic video, if you’re bored with reading. I’m bored with typing now anyway – more later on what makes Brussels such a weird – but fascinating – city.
Recent Comments